July 26, 2000
'm running late again this morning.
Mostly because of stress, I suspect. Right now, I'm just a powder
keg, waiting to explode. It seems like nothing seems to be as
it should right now.
"It seems".... what an interesting comment. What is our world but a collection of perception about everything around us. As near as I can tell, no one sees the world for what it is. Everyone filters the world through their own perspective, their own models of the way things should be, their own "rose colored glasses". I know that some of the things that bother me shouldn't, or that I'm too sensitive about some things, and that if I'd tell people more about how I feel that it would be better for me (Spider Robinson, if you're reading this, I need a visit to Callahan's).
The stress we feel in everyday life is based on how we view things. I know that much of what I tend to get upset about isn't someone intentionally doing something to piss me off, but just plain ignorance about how I feel. In the last several weeks, I offered some advice to someone I know, which they preferred not to take. I've no problem with that, generally speaking. I know I'm not a god, and I don't have all the answers (a lot closer to none than any), but rather than just declining my advice, it ended up that I felt that I was ridiculed for even offering it. So, that is a perception that I have.... which may not have been the intention of the person at all. Who knows? Should I be angry? I suspect I have a right to be..... with myself. Why should I give the power to someone else to make me feel crappy? This is an issue I deal with a lot. Somewhere along the line, in the last 40 some-odd years(OK, most of my years have been odd), I was let in on the philosophy that people don't make you angry, you give people permission to make you angry. If you don't extend that power to them, they don't have it.
Such a nice concept. Much harder to live by, but worth striving for. I can but hope that I can live by it better than I am now. Suz posted Desiderata on her site yesterday, and it goes hand in hand with this philosophy, I think (or should I say it is my perception?).
I was up late last night, worrying about, and dealing with the potential sale of my condo in Virginia. I received an offer yesterday. Generally speaking, that would be great. Having never sold property before, that is what I assumed, too. Instead, I spent several hours on the phone with my real estate agent, going over possibilities, and pricing options, as well as necessities to satisfy legal requirements from state and lender. And the fact is, I don't particularly want to sell my place for $1,000 less than I listed it for, and also pay over $2,000 in closing costs for the buyer. If I'd wanted to sell it for $3K less than I am asking, wouldn't I have listed it as such? And by the gods, the paperwork involved! And I know that real estate agents use small type on their forms so they don't have to use 50 pages, but honestly, 5 or 6 point type just doesn't fax very well.... and 20 pages of it is a hard read.
On the other hand, the place has been on the market all of 3 days. I'm making a counter-offer after much deliberation, so we'll see how it goes. I just could live without the stress this is inducing.
I got done with all the real estate stuff around 11:30, so I watched a little TV, and then put in the movie "On Golden Pond" which I'd not seen before. For reasons I can't explain, I've never been a Jane Fonda fan (maybe I was influenced by reports of her radicalism over the Viet Nam war? I certainly don't know). Not knowing what to expect, I was quite enchanted with this story of family relationships. I should respect the opinion of the mighty Suz more often. I am not sure she's been wrong yet (but don't tell her I said that!)
Final thought for today.... I'm incredibly proud of my little (only) sister, Joyce, who has made, along with her family (Husband, 2 kids, 3 basset hounds) a momentous decision for her life. You go girl!