August 8, 2002
ust
what is it that defines "me"? What guy am I? It is pretty clear
that I am not the guy who enjoys bachelor parties, and the attendant folderol
that accompanies them. I attended my boss' bachelor party a couple of
weeks ago, which was resplendent with drinking, not much food at all,
and strippers. I have to admit, I didn't enjoy myself at all, and left
early (according to others, way too early, as the second set of strippers
were much better). But I didn't have a good time, and can't conceive of
having a good time at one of those kinds of things.
I'm also not the guy who can build a house with his bare hands, or climb a mountain, or go skydiving. I'm not comfortable at parties, I don't enjoy politics, I'm not adept at chatting up women. But there are things that I am... I think I'm a fairly good photographer, I try to be the guy who treats people fairly, I have some minor computer skills, both technical and user side, I like lots of music. But how can I change what I am, and do I need to? Must I live up to expectations of others, or am I only required to be whatever is "myself"? I know there are things I would like to be, that I am currently not. I'd like to be more fit, I'd like to be more skilled in musical instruments, I'd like to be the guy that everyone enjoys having around. But I'm not sure how I get from here to there.
I will guess that no one is ever completely happy with who they are, otherwise marketing would have no value in our society, but I suspect some people are more satisfied than others. It isn't that I'm unhappy about who I am, I guess I just want to be more. And hopefully, that isn't a bad thing. I'll continue to try to be a better me every day, and maybe it will work.
On more mundane matters, I thoroughly enjoyed Lord of the Rings again the other night. What an outstanding interpretation of a fascinating book. Not one to one, mind you, but the tone seems to have been caught. And such lovely landscape on which to film. Makes you want to move to New Zealand! And it looked spectacular on my new TV, too. :) Of course, I was so excited after watching it that I stayed up and finished off a book that I'd started... and finished it off at about 2:30AM. Needless to say, I was a little sleep deprived the next day.